There’s a kind of person we’ve learned to stop believing. The one where “yes, I’ll be there” and “no, I won’t” are almost interchangeable. Where the RSVP is more of a vibe, not an actual plan. You know exactly who they are. You’ve stopped taking their yes at face value, feel a little bad about it, and then they go and prove you right again.
Let me be clear about who I’m not talking about. Not the last-minute stuff. The fever at 5pm, the flight that gets delayed, or the week that just eats you alive. Believe me, I’m a mom now and things happen. And when they happen to me I want grace, so I also extend it. That’s not flaking, that’s just life. I mean the chronic ones. The people where it’s not the exception, it’s a pattern.
The last 20+ years have resulted in the rise of the frictionless flake.
Our parents’ generation wasn’t made of better people. It was just harder to bail. You made a plan on Tuesday for Saturday. If you wanted out, you had to call the house phone and hope someone was standing next to it, and explain to someone who was maybe already halfway out the door to come meet you. So mostly? You went. You made a plan and stuck to that plan. Breaking that plan was a whole thing.
With the rise of the little device we keep attached to us every second of the day (our phones), we ended up taking any hassle away. Two taps and you’re free, and you never even have to hear the disappointment on the other end. The friction that used to hold plans together no longer exists.
Now a plan is only as strong as how much you respect the person on the other end of it. Bailing is free, so when you show up it acts like a signal of how much someone matters to you.
Here’s my prediction. Reliability is about to be the most attractive thing a person can be. When everyone is flaky, when “we should hang out” never gets a follow-up, when “let me check and get back to you” is the default and the getting-back-to-you never comes… the person who says they’ll be there and is just there, on time, having actually shown up, is almost shocking. Rare enough to feel like a flex.
We get sold this idea on protecting our energy, which I’m aligned with thematically. Don’t over-commit, don’t over-give. But committing matters, because you can't be loosely available to everyone and actually there for anyone.
The people I trust most aren’t the most impressive ones, they’re the effort friends. The ones whose yes means yes. Who text “on my way” and are. Who ask how the job interview went without being reminded. Who check on you for no reason at all. Who remember the thing and follow up on the thing. It’s so basic it’s almost embarrassing to type out. But this is exactly what went rare, and rare is the whole fucking game.
And you only get to be that person by showing up. Being reliable is a form of love. It’s you telling someone they are worth it. And it makes you the person people can build something real with.
I've started to think that's the most impressive thing a person can be.